Girl She Loved
by Fabulolz
Summary: Hanamura Chigusa is having a hard time believing that her longtime girlfriend, Nakano Hoshiko, isn't cheating on her. Chigusa thinks maybe it's because she isn't interesting enough. Matsuoka Gou is very much alarmed by the emotional abuse her friend is going through. Will Hana eventually understand that she is being mistreated? ((Rated T for some swearing and emotional intensity))
**Girl She Loved**

 _Matsuoka Gou x Hanamura Chigusa fanfiction_

* * *

"Are you cheating on me?" It was not a question that Chigusa expected to ask her long-time girlfriend, Nakano Hoshiko. But here she was, asking this question as she looked seriously at the ebony haired beauty sitting in front of her.

"What? Who told you that? I'm not cheating on you." Hoshi responded while looking up at the decorations of the café with narrowed green eyes, possibly criticizing the arrangement like the perfectionist she was. Clearly, she wasn't paying attention, so Chigusa let the conversation drop. She trusted Hoshiko anyway.

Nakano Hoshiko was an elegant girl from a thriving family. She was the type to care more about her appearance than her education and would usually get called out by teachers for texting in class.

Chigusa met her through a few friends. After talking together for a long while, they decided to date based on one particular connection: they were both closeted lesbians. But Hoshi leaned more towards bi-sexual nowadays, which didn't bother Chigusa much.

It only bothered her when she caught her girlfriend flirting with a jock this morning.

"Nobody told me really... I was just asking because I saw you hanging over that one guy... What's his name? Honda..?" Hana tried thinking about his name.

"Honda Daichi." Hoshi finished for her, "He's a nice guy."

"A bit too nice..." Chigusa darted her eyes to the side, feeling bitter, "He's not hitting on you or anything, is he?"

"It's only playful banter, Hana, relax." Hoshi rolled her eyes, laughing slightly.

"Playful banter... Right..." There was an uncomfortable shift in her stomach that was all too familiar.

Hoshiko used that phrase a lot more than she said 'I love you' lately. It always made Chigusa feel uneasy because she wasn't sure what her girlfriend's definition of playful banter was.

Hoshi was always one to toss around words that sounded like flirting and picking up. Through these six months, there had been some struggles. But of course, all relationships had struggles. Chigusa would often feel insecure and sad, but that was normal, according to Hoshi.

Still, despite these feelings, Hoshiko brought light into Chigusa's life. From telling her what makeup brand to buy, how to do her hair properly, and giving her little critiques. Chigusa took it to heart always and she found that her dieting tips were useful. Making yourself sick really did help you lose weight and Chigusa didn't want to be overweight. Hoshiko caught that for her, thank god.

Everything was fine.

* * *

"Everything is not fine." Gou said the next day as they walked to school together, "Nakano-san is most certainly lying to you, Hana-chan!"

"She says that my weight is too much. I need to go to the gym more often." Chigusa responded calmly.

"Not everyone has to be a twig like her, you know. You look just fine to me and everyone else. The swim team thinks you look perfect." Gou said, adjusting the shoulder strap on her bag.

"The swim team doesn't know me..." Hana shrugged and turned the corner with her friend.

"Well, you've been to a few of their meets and I've told them a little bit about you." She sighed, "They want to be friends with you, Hana."

"Hoshi doesn't want me hanging around too many people. You never know who could be a bad influence."

"Those are her words, not yours."

"She's my girlfriend and I trust her opinion more than anyone else's."

"Her opinion could put you in danger and that worries me..." Gou frowned.

"Well... Don't you care about your boyfriend's opinion? Seijuro-san's opinion is important to you, right?"

"No... Not anymore. We broke up."

"Oh..." Chigusa looked down at the cement sidewalk, "I'm sorry to hear that."

"Don't be. I was the one that broke up with him." She said simply, "Seijuro-san understood my reasons well enough and I'm glad we didn't have to fight or anything. I didn't want to be with him because it just didn't feel completely comfortable. Plus, he's a bit older than me, but less mature." She cringed slightly.

Gou didn't really like the guy that much; she mostly dated him so she could experience dating. It was nice to hang out with him, but she couldn't really say she loved him. It seemed Mikoshiba only really liked her for her looks anyway.

"I see..." Hanamura nodded her head slightly as they walked to the entrance of the school.

"Are you free at lunch? I usually eat up on the roof with the rest of the swim team."

"Ah, no. I'm meeting up with Hoshi."

But lunch time came and Chigusa couldn't find Hoshiko at their usual meet up place: underneath the old, dry leaves of big cherry blossom tree. Chigusa had taken the time to set out a blanket so they could have a romantic picnic like they had planned the previous day.

She tapped her fingers on the bento box as she waited. After a long time passed, she felt an anxiety that resulted from waiting for so long.

She took a deep breath and forced herself to be patient. She didn't want to eat without Hoshi and risk getting called a pig when she finally arrived.

"Hoshiko... You're never good with timing... Geez, you're always late to everything..." Hana laughed to herself and looked at her phone.

No text messages or missed calls.

So she kept waiting. Out of a lack of thing to do, she checked her rabbit cell charm to make sure it hadn't lost the other eye. Hoshiko had a bunny phone charm too, but she didn't like having it dangle from her pocket.

The chimes rang, signaling the end of the lunch period, and Chigusa sighed. She got up and cleaned up her lunch area, throwing away her bento. She didn't need the extra calories anyway. She decided she would put Hoshi's lunch in her locker like she always did.

She walked into the school, putting on a poker face so nobody would know how depressed she felt. It was fine.

Everything was fine.

She kept telling herself that everything was okay. She found the locker that read Nakano Hoshiko and opened it slowly. Yesterday's bento was in there already. Hoshiko was bad about checking her box sometimes. Chigusa replaced the old lunch with the new one, and promptly got up to toss the rotten lunch. She went to the garbage can and let the box fall into the trash. So long effort... She worked really hard on those rice balls...

Then, she turned around. It was something she should have expected to see one of these days. It was obvious things would turn out this way. But it was something she hadn't wanted to expect.

Hoshiko was locking lips with Daichi over by the window. Her raven hair was a mess and his fingers were becoming entangled within the strands. Her cheeks were pink and she was smiling like she was in love... Like she was so happy and loved...

It was then that Hanamura Chigusa felt an unspeakable rage.

She was trembling hard and her eyes were swelling up with tears. Her throat was burning and her chest was tight, causing her breathing to become labored. She wanted to throw up food she never ate and crush the heart she never owned. Hoshiko never gave her heart out to Hana because she was too busy giving out pieces to everyone else.

Chigusa bit her lip and ran to the bathroom. She slammed the stall door shut, locking it quickly. She sat on the toilet, put her head in her hands, and sobbed. Nothing was okay.

Everything was terrible.

* * *

Gou started walking down the stairs from the roof. She would've stayed longer, but she had this sensation that told her there was something wrong. Her intuition was almost always impeccable, according to others. This time, she was certainly right.

She immediately went to Hoshiko and Daichi sitting at the window together, "What the hell is this?!" She was so angry with this woman. Usually she didn't have anything against her fellow classmates, but this time...

"Oh. Hey, Matsuoka-chan." Hoshi said casually.

"Don't 'hey, Matsuoka-chan' me! Why are you making out with this guy and letting your girlfriend idolize you while you do it?! This is so unfair to Hana-chan!" She gritted her teeth. Chigusa was her friend, and she was standing up for her.

"What? Oh. Chigusa." Hoshiko seemed to have completely forgotten the fact she was currently dating someone.

"Oh my god, you're disgusting! Do you ever realize the damage you've done to her?! After all she's done for you, you just pretend like she doesn't exist?! Why would you betray her?! She's so in love with you and you treat her like... Like... SHIT!" She growled.

"Whoa, hey..." Hoshiko was laughing like this was some hysterical skit.

"BREAK UP WITH HER OR I'LL BREAK YOU!" She screamed before walking off and passing the rest of the swim team. They were clearly stunned; Gou didn't lose her temper like that. It was Rin who did, not Gou.

Rei looked concerned, "Nagisa-kun, do you know what just happened?"

Nagisa wasn't dense. He could connect two and two together.

"Gou-chan finally said something."

* * *

Hanamura Chigusa was most certainly drowning. It had been a week or so since she saw her girlfriend... Ex-girlfriend...

It felt longer.

 _"Yeah, so this isn't really working out."_ Is what Hoshiko said.

 _"I've lost interest in you."_ Is what Chigusa heard.

Ever since that day, she lived in her bed sheets among mountains of tissues and rivers of tears. Her stomach was an empty canyon that forced acid down her throat and into the toilet every morning. She didn't want to eat anything because nothing sounded good. Everything was bitter and gross. The sweetness of life's delicacies was rotting in a graveyard along with Hanamura's body and heart.

Hoshiko came around in a disguise of all things good and tore Chigusa to shreds. And Chigusa lay there with a smile, pretending it didn't hurt until Hoshiko got bored of tearing the thin frailness that was Chigusa.

She coughed herself awake after yet another bad dream. A nightmare of yearning for the woman that cheated on her. She didn't know why she longed for Hoshiko so much. Maybe because she felt like it was her fault Hoshi didn't want her anymore. It wasn't her fooling around; it was her wanting love.

Did Hana not give her enough love? They never exchanged words often enough, so maybe that was the problem. Chigusa knew she was the problem that ultimately sent their relationship tumbling down the hill into this treacherous waste land called breaking up.

"Chigusa, honey, your friend is here." Her mother said before letting Gou slide the door open.

"Hey Gou..." Chigusa whispered weakly.

"...Stop acting like you're half dead..." Gou said coldly, "Seriously Hana, this isn't good for you. You can't keep wallowing around in this mess! It's time to get up and go to school! You haven't been there in days!"

"..." She didn't respond because she felt too tired to do so.

"God, you are so stubborn!" The red haired girl was becoming furious, "I came all this way to help you feel better and you can't even look at me or sit up?! Don't you have any manners?!"

"If you're here to insult me, then just go..."

"I'm not insulting you, you're insulting yourself. I'm just telling you the truth." She said, "I'm not Hoshiko. I'm not going to emotionally abuse you like she did. I want to help you. So get out of bed and start living. Start being the Hanamura Chigusa I met my first year of high school."

She turned her head away so it was in the pillow, "Chigusa is dead." She mumbled into the fabric.

Gou snapped, "NO, SHE'S NOT! SHE BETTER NOT BE!" Suddenly the girl grabbed Chigusa and pulled her up, "STOP SAYING THESE MORBID THINGS!" Gou had tears in her eyes and they were threatening to start spilling.

Hana looked surprised. Her friend... Possibly her best friend was here... But she didn't have to be, so why...?

"YOU CAN'T LET HER WIN AGAINST YOU HANA! YOU'RE SO MUCH STRONGER THAN THAT! I KNOW YOU! I... I LOVE YOU!" She suddenly screamed and then the real shock set in. She let go of Hana and backed away slightly. She wasn't going to run because that would cause more drama and that was the last thing Matsuoka Gou wanted. She came here to settle the drama and to convince Chigusa to forget it, but it was proving to be a harder task than she anticipated. Especially when she just confessed her feelings so unexpectedly...

"Gou..." Chigusa looked stunned still, like she didn't know what to say.

"You are... You are so much better than her, you know... You have a big heart and... I don't want you to lose it to someone as terrible as her..." Gou sniffled, "I just want you to be happy again..."

The brown haired girl looked down. For once she didn't feel like sobbing over someone else. She wanted to get better knowing that someone cared...

"Thank you, Gou..." She got up and started getting ready for school.

* * *

A week had gone by since Chigusa's revival. Neither of the girls talked about the part where Gou confessed her love to Hana, but it was really starting to get on Chigusa's nerves. Not that the fact Gou wasn't saying anything, but how Chigusa herself chose to pretty much ignore it. She personally knew how it felt to be denied repeatedly, so why was she following the pattern?

As Hanamura did her homework, she let her thoughts wander. Did Gou mean something to her? She surely was a dear friend and Gou thought of her more than she originally thought. Gou was... Cute... But how? She closed her eyes and began to develop an image of Matsuoka Gou.

Her red hair was not a fiery red, it was more of a dark red that was still vibrant. It was always up in that ponytail, but she still looked nice despite its simplicity. Her eyes were a brighter red than her hair. They had different shades of intensity depending on how she felt. From the bright, happy red to the dangerous, burning red. Her eyes were pretty and they complimented her smile in Chigusa's opinion. She was mostly attracted to smiles more than anything. Lips were something to fawn over... Gou had perfect lips. Everything that came out of her mouth made sense and she was always honest. Her opinion was important to her and she always made it stand out in her voice.

At these thoughts, Chigusa became flustered and she found that she was blushing.

* * *

"Hey Gou-chan, do you think we can go out tonight? I'm kind of in the mood to get ice cream." Chigusa told Gou as they walked to school one day.

"Sure I- Wait... Go out?" Gou looked at her and tilted her head.

Hanamura giggled, "Yeah, I mean, don't you want to?"

"...Hana-chan, when you say 'go out', do you mean...?"

"Yes." She said honestly, stopping and facing the other girl, "I have thought long and hard about your confession... I didn't realize it until now, but you are so special to me. You have been a dear friend to me, and I want to give this... us... a try."

Gou's face was flushed a hot pink color. It was clear she never expected Hana to reciprocate.

"Let's go on a date. Let's love each other." Chigusa whispered before pressing a gentle kiss on Gou's cheek, "I want to love for real this time. I want to love you and be the happiest I'll ever be."

"...Let's do it then. Let's fall in love."

The two of them laughed in each other's arms, holding each other tightly.

At that moment, the once withered cherry blossom tree died, and stronger, small trees began to grow around it.


End file.
